Letters to Lisi
by keeeks
Summary: The Pretty Committee and the Briarwood Boys are sick and tired of their lives being messed with and controlled by Lisi Harrison. So, they each send Lisi a personal letter telling her how they REALLY feel about each other- and her. Tenshot.
1. Love, Derrick Harrington

Disclaimer: I don't own the Clique.

I introduce you to the tenshot- Letters to Lisi.

I'm starting with Derrington. XD

It's short, because I don't think Derrick would have the attention span to write a long letter.

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Dear Lisi,

Yo. I'm Derek. Derek Harrington, that is. I am not Derek Jeter, although I wish I had my own Gatorade. Does he play tennis? I forget. I think Josh said he plays baseball. Okay. We have a lot to talk about. You're messing up my life and all. That's not cool, so butt out! I liked it the way it was, in the beginning of seventh grade, when I didn't have to deal with you. So you need to leave and all. Because you're getting on my nerves more than Cam does when he steals my soccer ball. There are a lot of reasons why I am mad at you right now. ) : (you made me sad!)

First of all… why the hell am I not going out with Massie? What is wrong with you?! So, everything is going smoothly on Massington Cruise Line, and suddenly, you crash the ship into an iceberg named "Dempsey," who's the Tarzan of BOCD. What kind of name is Dempsey, anyways? It sounds like dimple. That's a weird word.

Not to mention how I had some sort of "problem" with Massie- I mean seriously, _yes_, I think she's immature, but I would _never_ in a million years say that to her face. She'd flip out on me and all, as you can see has already happened. I don't like when Massie flips out on me. She's all like... "Derrick, are you blahblahblah? Then why are you blahblahblahing?" It gets really annoying after a while.

Also, why do you keep changing the spelling of my name? Am I Derek, or Derrick? Now I remember who Derek Jeter is. He plays baseball! So I like Derek better, I think, because Josh told me that that's the name of the Yankees shortstop. Josh says that everyone loves that guy, and everyone loves me, so I think that would be the cooler one. Also, you're seriously confusing my mom. She picks up my birth certificate, and sometimes, it says Derek, and other times it says Derrick. She thinks that she's suffering from a disease, and now you have her at the psychiatrist's office, every Monday at exactly 3:00 PM.

And I'm really mad at you for one REALLY BIG REASON. I. Don't. Do. Jeans. I wore pants ONCE in my whole life, only because it was below freezing. And then, you ruin my streak because I just **have** to get revenge on Massie. Hello, if it weren't for you, we'd still be happily together. And I wanted to get into that world records book, next to the picture of that guy with a million tattoos! But seriously, dude… wait, you're not a dude. Whatever. Anyways, I don't like jeans. They're all... stiff. And you can't really play soccer in jeans, so I can do without them.

Why do you keep pausing our lives? It gets boring after a while. We just sit there, doing nothing, until you come, and you're all, "Hi guys! Okay, so Massie, go break up with Derrick. Cam, try to seduce Claire." No offense or anything, but you bore me. You think you're so cool, controlling everyone's lives and everything. Actually, that's kind of like Massie. Now that I think about, I don't really want Massie back anymore. Dimple... I mean, Dempsey, can have her.

So, _Lisi_… can I call you Lisi? Yes, yes I can, because we have almost matching last names. Harrison-Harrington. WEIRD!

YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

SO START IT. NOW. YES, RIGHT NOW.

FIX MY LIFE!

MAKE IT SNAPPY.

CHOP CHOP!

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter (Cam said I should be polite).

: ) (smiley face!)

Love,

Derek Harrington

P.S. Can I have my Adidas shorts back? PLEASE?

P.P.S. I DON'T REALLY LOVE YOU! :p


	2. Lots of Hate, Dylan Marie Marvil

Disclaimer: Seriously. Don't own them.

Thanks for the awesome reviews ). I hope this letter meets your expectations.

This chappie is a bit OOC, but it's because the real Dylly hates being portrayed as unconfident. These are supposed to be short.

The thing about DVF was kind of random, but someone was talking about them to me the other day, and she was a grown adult, so yeah. Dylan used to wear a lot of it.

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Dear Lisi Freaking Harrison,

I just _love_ your middle name. My name is Dylan Marvil, but you should know that already. And before you even ask, yes, my mom is Merri-Lee Marvil, host of the world famous morning show, The Daily Grind, yes, I am dating tennis star Brady Ericson, and no, I will not send you an autographed picture of me. Now that we've already gone over how amazing my life must be… I have to tell you something. You. Suck. Ass. Like, no joke. Lisi, no offense or anything, but you're really pissing me off. Stop messing with my life!

About the whole fat thing- I'm not actually fat… am I? You know what, don't answer that. And if I am fat, I don't need the world to know my insecurities! Duh! What if I wrote a book titled _Lisi Harrison is a Whiny, Insecure Baby_- wait, no, that title is reserved for Claire. DON'T TELL HER I TOLD YOU THAT! I tend to stray off topic sometimes. Whoops. But how would you feel if I wrote in a book that you thought you were the size of a Goodyear Blimp? You make people think I have an eating disorder or something, which I totally don't.

And then, besides me saying, "I'm so fatttt!" every two seconds, I don't say anything else! What is this, some kind of sick joke? Even Kuh-freaking-laire is getting more attention than me. Um. No. Just no. I don't have anything against Claire (blasphemy! I dunno what that means. Kristen told me to put it in. She rolled her eyes.), but she's still a newbie while I'm fabulously cool, like always.

I am the beta of the Pretty Committee! Nawt Alicia, and nawt Claire! You even said so originally. But then, Alicia slowly replaced me, and then _Claire Lyons_ replaced her! How come she gets to be Massie's best friend? That should be me! She's just some LBR from Or-lame-do, not the cool girl that Massie should confide in! Don't tell Massie I'm jealous… please? Just make Claire cooler or something so it won't be that hard to handle sniff the truth.

Why am I wearing Diane von Furstenberg dresses, exactly? I hate them. Because, at first I was like, "At least it's designer," but then, I asked Jenny, my mother's second favorite stylist, and she said that they were for women over the age of 30. Ew. I don't wear mom clothes; I'm too stylish for that. If I weren't stylish, Massie would've given me bad ratings. Did she? According to you, NO!

Hmm. What should I bring up next? Oh, wait… I know! Why I burp all the time. Apparently, I do talk about something other than my weight… sort of. I burp things all the time. Okay, maybe I do enjoy burping after a meal, or burping words to make people laugh. But I don't just burp all the time. What, have I traded in my diet shakes for _diet soda?_ GASP! Diet soda is cancer in a can, anyways.

Just to throw this out there… you suck at portraying the **real** Dylan Marvil.

Lisi Harrison, I reallyreallyreally hate how you put my life on pause. Like, seriously. "Oh, I need a break, or oh, I gotta hit the bathroom!" Stop with the dumb excuses. _We all know_ that you're just watching _Days of Our Lives_ with diet shakes and cookie dough_. _Get over yourself. Jeez. And that must be where my "obsession" with diet shakes comes from.

No more lying, you evil sorceress. Well, are you a sorceress? You have to be a sorceress, or else how would you control my life? Unless this is a video game... ohmigod. I am stuck in a freaking video game. Holy crap. That could actually be cool. It's about time someone made a videogame about me. And Kristen say's _I'm_ the stupid one. Psh.

I am not some unconfident, gross, unstylish, loserfan. (Svetlana still scares me. You scarred me for life. Thanks, you—_jerk._) I am Dylan Marvil. My spicy red hotness is apparently too much for you too handle. So, Lisi. You have a brand spanking new To-Do List, straight from the desk of Dylan Marvil.

1. Stop writing bad things about me. The press will catch on to this eventually. They can't read this! That would be horrible.

It would totally kill my rep.

2. Stop writing. Like, seriously. _I've_ got better grammar skills than you, and that's saying something.

3. Get a life!

Release this letter to my adoring public, and 6 of my mother's lawyers will sue your ass. Think I'm lying? Just you wait.

Get it? Got it?

Good.

Lots of hate,

Dylan Marie Marvil

P.S. I want to be the beta again! Please?

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Love it? Hate it? Review.


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